Thursday, 22 August 2013

Dreaming of sleep

I love the sound of rain hitting window panes; especially at night, in the still of the house, when the dark surrounds me like a warm blanket, and the soft breathing of the cat adds a rhythm of its own.
It makes me feel safe, secure in the shelter of my home.

On nights like these, when insomnia strikes, I curl up on the sofa with a warm mug of chocolate and let my mind drift in the darkness. I miss sleep; my body craves it, but my mind pulls me back,and I know that until I clear the jumble in my head I will twist and turn in a tangle of sheets and limbs until the first streaks of light appear through slatted blinds.

As a child I had nightmares  so vivid  I can still recall them today. One recurring dream made my heart thud in terror; and often sent me scurrying to the comfort of my mother's bed...... There was a man in it, with empty eyes ; menacing and very real. He appeared out of no-where, a presence in the corner of my eye, coming steadily closer; turning my dreams into something very dark and dangerous. I was always afraid that should he catch me, I might never wake up.

This dream terrified me to such an extent, that I could never truly explain it; and then one day something happened........ I saw him, in the flesh; on a hot summers day at the beach.
 I was in a friend's beach hut, salty from the sea, wrapped in a towel and gathering clothes to change into when something made me look up. The door was pegged back, and as I stared out to the rolling waves, a man walked past carrying a blue crash helmet. He glanced through the open door  and met my gaze. It was him, it was definitely him! For a split second I remember not being able to breathe or move, waiting for whatever may come...... then relief flooding through my whole being as he turned his eyes back to the sea and walked away.

I have no idea who he was; some poor innocent bloke off for a stroll by the sea, no doubt; but for that split second he was the embodiment of all my fears..... and oddly enough he was also my saviour; as after that brief encounter, I never had that particular dream again.

1 comment:

  1. ah yes, to sleep
    finally learned (as you did) to not fight
    i appease my mind w/pad & pen kept by pillow
    once the words are precisely dictated i am released
    until the next thought awakens, and once more i write
    most of these thoughts end up on twitter or medium
    and as it is how the universe seems to be
    synchronicity draws in others of like mind
    so we can share our thoughts that will not sleep