Saturday, 5 October 2013

Solitary confinement

Today I am snail like; retreating from the world into my own small space filled with soft sounds and soothing familiarity. It is a day for curling up with cats, coffee in hand, to watch other peoples' lives play out on screen.  A stack of DVDs grows as I pick and choose ; but as to sit and watch all day would be the height of self indulgence I decide upon just one, with a vow to hoover the house before I start......leading to a flurry of activity and three very disgruntled cats.
 A thought strikes me that I am allowing myself to slump into lethargic mode; which is so alien to how my days used to be. To counter this I transform into a whirling dervish; starting at the top of the house, and with each descent, chasing away the dust with a roaring vacuum and keen eye. Bathrooms next, spray, scrub and mop and finally the kitchen.
Feeling less guilty, and with the justified excuse for skipping a gym visit, I settle down at last to watch 'Untouchable'.... A fabulous French film, filled with warmth, humour and stark realities. It is well crafted , and says a great deal about the human condition.
As the end credits role and the quiet of the house surrounds me , I am painfully aware that my days, once filled with the hum of conversation, the ringing of phones, and all the human interactions that make up the busy workplace; have fallen largely silent. I travel east or south to the bustling markets not only for the artisan and home grown ingredients to fill my pantry, but for the comfort of strangers; to be amongst people as they converse in the shops and caf├ęs, to be around the hustle and bustle of daily living once more.
My irons in the fire need to be stoked, and my career rebooted. I have to retrieve that sense of excitement and purpose that once drove my every waking hour, confront the daemons that dragged my confidence into the dust and give them a good kicking!

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